Quite frankly, I am sick of this. Sick of the ignorance. The audacity. The blatant disdain and disregard for the black race. Why is this even happening? Is this Michael Brown? Or Emitt Till? Where are we? WHEN are we? Why is it okay for white supremacists to parade around, hiding behind false uniforms of justice instead of white sheets and burning crosses. I am outright appalled, you just called me a nigga. Not with your words but with your actions.
On TV, for everyone to see, you line up in riot gear with such an authoritative and pompous stance. The eyes in that helmet is screaming “try me nigga!”. “Don’t you dare cross that line nigga!”. You smirkingly glare at my black counterparts in front of you not in fear, but with disgust. How dare we behave this way? In such a primitive manner. This is what you have been talking about all along huh? Why you have the right to be overly aggressive. Niggas is always angry. Niggas is always trying to destroy shit. Niggas ain’t peaceful. Niggas is always getting out of line. And when they see your face, they better cower in fear. Unless you will kill a nigga in cold blood and ain’t nothing that any one can do about it.
Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of our New York City is quoted as saying “white police officers won’t be there if you weren’t killing each other”. What? So you are doing us niggas a favor now? Light all the hallways in Pink Houses! I’m sick of this shit and from this point on in my mind the day of the nigga is over. We need to start greeting and treating each other as the kings and queens that we truly are. Raising our sons and daughters as the princes and princesses they truly are. If these forces are against us and the very foundation of this country is designed to keep us impoverished and oblivious to the trickery and oppression put upon us, than we need to start with claiming the day of the nigga is over. Claiming our regality, slavery is fucking over.
It is time to build upon restoring black people to a more favorable positioning in this world and we can only do that by not standing for this shit. Instead of rioting and parading the streets, parade colleges and universities and better educate ourselves. There is knowledge in books and meeting like minded individuals that they would love us to NOT be apart of because it makes us stronger. They think we are monkeys. Incapable of civility. Unworthy of there trust and respect. Humanity. i remember being a small child and taken aghast by the cover of a Public Enemy album, you can’t tell me the pictures today doesn’t remind you of those captured all those years ago of a people oppressed.
I DID IT!!! Heart was thumping, hot blooded, and sweaty palmed. I never needed a drink of water for my parched throat so much in my life time. I had no regrets, no sadness. No feeling of fear, of failure, and it felt awesome. Awesome because I didn’t think I would do it. Sure, there are plenty of things that I THOUGHT about doing but never did. But I needed to do this like I need air. Like piping hot coffee for an early morning and a cold Budweiser at the end of a long day. It called me, pleading from the deepest and darkest shadows of my mind, don’t leave me here. And soon, it began whining and pulling at me like it was my child, it was born of me. How could I ignore such a thing? I did it. It was more than an audition. It was like a good stretch you do on a Sunday morning while still in bed. Like musical ice cream. Like a massage on the inside. It was me being me and I loved it, love me.
Being a mom is demanding stuff. When the kiddies are young, it’s endless diapers and baby food, LOTS of potty training mishaps. Eventually you will reach my point and beyond (Monkey Quest and Style Me Girl every chance that they get their hands on a computer). With all of Mommy-dom going on, we lose our way, but luckily I am here to reel you back in to basic mom-sentials. Please note: I am not a professional, take it or leave it on the porch. So with that said, here we go!
1) A white blouse We sometimes take for granted the awesomeness of a great “blouse”. Not a shirt, a “wife beater”, or a tank, but a B-L-O-U-S-E. I’m talking flowy, ruffles, lace, frilly thangs on the sleeves kind of blouse. Why? Because it brings elegance to anything you pair with it, slacks, jeans, skirt, you name it. Off white, stark white, linen, whatever it is, definitely a great piece of soft wear. Plus I always seem to feel angelic and shit when I wear one, so why not you?
No lie, I only rotate no more than two in my wardrobe because they are not my footwear of choice. The ones I have are old, got some stank on ‘em but most importantly, they are COMFORTABLE!!! As moms, it would be ideal to wear heels to do everything. They are cute, add a few inches in height and can make killer looking calves. But, realistically a pair of sneakers can take you a long way. That doctor’s appointment you almost forgot, guess what? If you have sneakers (and hopefully a car) you just might not be too late and have to reschedule. Not saying you have to be the mom with all the latest J’s, but when us moms’ can’t rest our weary feet, sneakers are the next best thing (and after that flippy flops).
3) Floral print dress Another get up and go piece, what can I say except time is of the essence. Goes with anything because of its versatility and kind of gives an air of innocence… If you’re a mom it would be greatly appreciated because like me you’ve lost it long, long ago.
4) Black pencil skirt This one is a bit tricky. Trust me you need one, sleek and slit, not too suffocating but not like you can do a split in it if you catch my drift. This is tricky because you can’t be meek mom when you put one on; you have to be a boss because it’s a bossy piece. Directions to a black pencil skirt goes as follows: once you have it on, look in the mirror and say, “I’m a boss bitch” three times slowly, but after saying it the first time, make sure that there is increased force the next time and the one thereafter, put some sass on it. Do a few twirls and check you out, repeat everything as needed. About time you walk out the door not only will you look like a boss but most importantly feel like one. If not you did it wrong so retrace your steps and do again, this is for your own good.
5) Heels Just negate everything about sneakers. They are fun, flirty, and any place you go with them you actually look like you are having a good time. After-work party? HOORAY FOR HEELS! An instant good time. That relative’s house that hates everything about you except your offspring (maybe) and you hate them back, just to be even? BAH-ZING! THANKS HEELS!
6) Pink nail polish I don’t know about you gals but I LOVE pink. Nowadays honestly, I feel a little juvenile with my pink book baggie with the matching pink shoes (Yes, I presently own and wear these things do not judge me). Pink polish is the ultimate way to keep my pink love without looking like I just stepped out of the dolls’ aisle at Toys R’ Us. I recently tried Revlon’s Raspberry Rapture and it’s like a pink lover’s revenge, sneaky pink with a delicious scent to boot.
Again, all of these are optional and I am not a professional. There is my disclaimer and if you do buy or have these things, I sincerely hope you enjoy them, I sure do. Oh, and anything you wear always look better with a smile.
“Growing up and throughout my whole life, I felt like black people in America were on some kind of island, like we’re here but we aren’t a part of America. And now to see a black man have the chance to actually come off this island and become president, it made me feel like hey, I kind of do belong here.” I said this during my Business Law class during an open discussion towards the end of the semester, before Obama was elected and it was much excitement around who will win presidency that it was a hot topic everywhere in the black community. I wish I could retract these words as if it was an official statement. I wish I could eat these words and like something that disagreed with my stomach I would throw it up in the toilet and flush it to where ever shit and other unmentionables go to fester.
We are living in America, where we boast wealth and civility. Where there is “freedom and justice for ALL”. Does “all” mean all with the exception of some? Because with the publicized Trayvon Martin case, he is the exception. I am a bit taken aback by the assumption that this tragedy is okay and actually lawful. Maybe I am mistaken, because he is in Florida and I am in NYC. Maybe he is too far away for me to make that assumption. OK. Where I’m from, 61% of blacks are victims of crimes reported. To even further the scope, about one-fourth of the cities homicides happen in my borough, The Bronx. This is because I am pretty damn impoverished, I grew up and now live in an impoverished area and poverty is usually crime’s bedfellows. Almost as if the two seek comfort in each other.
But this is the reality I live with and deal with. I have seen more than enough Trayvons to last me 10 life times. What has happened in Trayvon’s case, for me, is by no means just about racial profiling because the reality of it is this is the world that we live in. It IS about equality, and how justice is being handled. Humanity can claim higher intelligence and civility amongst all the other animals but, primitively killing another being is neither.
I used to find some type of comfort with our justice system today although not always in agreement. Nowadays I am alongside the 71% of black people used in a WSJ poll that have a decreased confidence in our legal system. My issue is if I’m hurt, bleeding my last minutes of life, will someone save me? Can someone of another race just walk up to me and kill me? Is my life so small in the eye of the world? In the eye of justice, so much so they are not bound by it?
Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech would be 50 years old next month. Fifty years ago, we were so far from equal then and there was a battle for it and we thought we secured at least a foot hold to eventually be treated as individuals with equal rights, quality of life, and I truly see the same still stands today. Why are we still in this battle 50 years later? Why are black people still on this island?
“Money talks hmmm, money talks! Dirty cash I want you, dirty cash I need you oh!”… Till this day I remember my mother shout to me, ‘don’t be singing that song and shaking your little ass, you better go sit down somewhere’. At the time I was 6 or 7 years old and just thought it was a catchy song and a hype video (they did a lot of moving in those 90s videos, that’s a workout). Stevie V. was doing her thang and to me I couldn’t quite understand what was wrong with the song until years later but by then, there was this phenomenon… The video vixen or if preferred, paid asses like I like to call them now.
Video girls aren’t new; they are and have been a staple in hip hop culture. Now I don’t know if it’s just me, but it appears these bitches have formed a sort of Megatron here to destroy developing young women’s esteems, helping to cultivate this increasing rigor of accepting this newfound perfection of breasty woman with huge tabletop asses and not an ounce of belly fat as the norm. Pillaring villages and shit.
Yup, I know. Sound like a real hater right now, but please check the schematics of things: 1) They don’t EVER look like the sun kissed, high yellow goddess with long wavy hair and perfect breast to stomach to ass ratio in those old photos floating around on the internet; EVER. You may say, ‘wow she was pretty in that photo’, but never do they look like how they appear to us whilst in their tenure of stardom. There are plenty of beautiful women walking around, some of them may have the body that these women want to achieve but for the most part, these women I don’t see on T.V. and videos. On special occasions some “Big Booty Judy” might make it clap and that is fine by me ain’t nobody making a career of it.
2) Goes back to number 1, of course they can look like that because they have the money and the drive for it. It is the lifestyle they choose and is what they aspire to do so surgery and accessorizing becomes not an option, a need. Which brings me back to Stevie V. in “Dirty Cash” singing “I have no excuse, I just want you to use me, take me and abuse me, I got no taboos, I’ll make a trade with you…”. What happened to the morale and why is it not okay to just be yourself?
3) I have seen a few of my celebrity girls known for other things besides videos fall by the wayside such as the beautiful Kelly Rowland. I loved her since the ninth grade, since me and my friends at the time Deanne and Anna Kay went to see Destiny’s Child at Times Square’s Virgin Mega Store (Long time ago, that store is no longer there). I grew up with Kells (that would be my nickname for her if I really knew her). No lie, she looks good with her new found assets but I just thought she was way more awesome when she presented her real body. I can’t leave out Brandy either. She has been rocking braids and weaves for a minute now, we all do from time to time but she kept it real body wise. Now she has a little extra in the back shaking to “If You Put it Down”. It has me thinking, whose next to contort themselves into this ideal woman whom is virtually unavailable to 95% of the planet.
I may sound angry at these ladies but truly I’m not, I’m a Sag so I get over things very quickly depended on depth. It is actually because of watching these women on T.V. and videos that I am better at being me. It took a while to find comfort in a little plop belly and stretch marks, no my nappy hair isn’t down my back and I am proudly rocking A cups. I can possibly change these things if I wanted to but I will never be a video girl, vixen, etc., I don’t have the patience or the drive and I accept that. I am not at any time, basking in perfection either. I might disappointment more than a few times; please expect that of me so there won’t be any surprises. All I know is hey, all those women are sexy as hell on screen and that’s fine. But I hope whoever reads this knows that they are also just fine.
So now, I’ve decided to write the most captivating, thought invoking and fascinating blog ever!!! No, not really. I am actually bored out of my mind. I need a good mental stretch which just hasn’t been happening for me. Embracing monotony has never been my best feature, seeing that I change my hair at whim and in my younger days got a new piercing at least once a year.
I’ve matured, away with the feeling that would flood over my body and cloud my thoughts until I did something drastic. Akin to the fight or flight process, where I most certainly took flight. Shook myself up and didn’t stop until I had a clear perspective and a question, is this something I will be proud of a couple months down the line? Years down the line? If the answer was no, which for the most part it was, then I’d just simply do something else until I got that feeling again and so the cycle would continue.
So now I’m bored. Inundated with “mommy things” and thoughts, I find myself twiddling my thumbs when the kids are off to Nana’s house. There is nothing I look forward to after work more than a cold Coor’s Light (or Budweiser depending on how LONG my day was) and a lit cigarette. I still get that feeling but no longer is it an immediate need-must, it’s more of an ‘eh, maybe tomorrow’ kind of thing.
What about the joys and excitement of spending time with your kids you say? My kids are awesome; they inspire me to become greater than I was today, tomorrow. They are fun, excellent at telling jokes on the fly and I’ve seen some not so smart kids (don’t pretend they aren’t out there), but mine are pretty sharp if I should say so myself. But the thing is I haven’t seen an adult movie at the theatre in about 3 years. And darn it, I get a little perplexed when the main must-buy from the supermarket is ravioli, hot dogs, cereal and toaster strudels.
I accept Mommy-dom, it is a challenge all within itself and I have no qualms of telling it, bring it on! It’s all good, I have found my out, or in should I say. Note to self, ‘Hollie, you have officially been blogged’.